Spectral Shackles

Updates on my Facebook newsfeed prompted me that one of my former co-workers got engaged. Of course, that update garnered many likes, comments and greetings. I did click the “like” button on her page, but I have mixed feelings over this event.

Not to put her in a bad light, but she is not exactly what one might consider to be stereotypically attractive. However, she is really a good office mate and friend. Perhaps I’m just bitter about the whole disappointing ordeal of the so-called “sexual minorities” when it comes to romantic matters. It does not help that the Catholic Church still has a decent grip on Philippine politics, so same-sex marriage is still a dream for many Filipino LGBTs.

On the other hand, I have my own issues as well. I have my share of moments related to infatuation, but there is no relevant progress beyond that. At this point, I still have not even manage to give or receive my first kiss, and—needless to say—I have zero experience when it comes to sex. I am quite liberal about the whole issue regarding virginity, and I firmly believe that its presence or absence does not define your values. However, I personally feel that having sex randomly with someone is such a waste of time and effort if he is not my significant other at least.

But then again, I am not quite familiar with what I want as far as romantic relationships are concerned. I do believe that one should not enter in a relationship just to feel “complete” so to speak. It is unfair if the reason for having a significant other is to fill that emotional void. Hence, it is necessary to be inherently “complete” before that relationship.

Right now, I want to have a significant other, but I do not know if I am already “complete” in that sense. How would I know if I already am? I am an inactive Catholic, but sometimes I find myself hoping that God still has some plans for my love life. Recently, I have arranged an ultimatum for Him. If I won’t have a significant other by the time I celebrate my 28th birthday this year, I may have to give up on love permanently. This seems to be insane, but right now it makes sense for me. For the meantime, He may bless my friend’s engagement.

Drowning

There has been a surge in the amount of school-related responsibilities this month. Perhaps, this is because the holiday season is over and suddenly people find themselves already in the middle of the second semester. But even then, I had to stop procrastinating even i updating my blog. Right now, i don’t feel too good about the outcome of that Philosophy exam this morning. Hopefully, I can make up for it next time.

***

Speaking of holidays, the Sinulog 2013 has recently concluded here in Cebu. Despite living near the area that is part of the parade’s route, I did not bother joining the 4 million people there. The stress is really not worth it as far as I’m concerned.

The day after Sinulog, I was saddened to hear that the sister of a friend passed away in her sleep. The cause of death was allegedly a cardiac arrest, but I am not still aware of the possible factors contributing to that incident. The deceased’s family is quite well-off, and she was pretty, smart, and had what I perceive as a harmonious relationship with her family. I guess what they say about a person not being able to have everything is true. It’s somehow disheartening to see my usually perky friend feeling so miserable. I hope he has enough emotional support at this point.